10.20.2008

The Mind of a Killer

I have many interactions with patients and they tell me lots of things that can freak you out. BUT..... None like this one. I met with a patient the other day that admitted to me that he was in a gang when he was younger. I didn't think much of it. I did foster care for a while and many foster children were part of gangs and that gang was their family.

What threw me off was what he admitted while he was in that gang: he killed three people. He was never caught (he made it seem like he was because he made several comments about "doing his time") and as it appeared had no remorse about the events. In fact he bragged about it. I can't describe what it felt like to sit across from a killer, one with no remorse, and one that wanted to tell you how proud he was that he was the "executioner." I can't tell anyone because I am bound by patient confidentiality. I can only report if he is going to (future and present tense) harm himself and/or others. He admits to also being part of the KKK and was also proud of this. I wanted to barf. How can one person have so much hate in their life. It was also clear that he didn't have any respect for his own person by evidence of what we were treating him for. I never once feared for my life while I was with him. His wife kept telling me "if you don't tell him to shut up he'll keep talking. He was as nice as he could be to me. If he would have never disclosed this information I would have never known. He was happy I would talk to him and that he had interaction other than his wife/caregiver. Someone new to tell his stories too.

I often talk to patients about their past and they use it as a way to talk about the good old days and how things use to be. Usually all the good things in their life: what made them most proud as a person, their greatest accomplishments. This patient is most proud to be a killer and part of the KKK. It sends shivers down my spine. Not while I was with him. While I was with him I was intrigued. Maybe it's my psychology background and the fact that "the mind" always intrigues me. I wouldn't have studied it so much if it didn't.

My husbands first comments were. I told you you need your concealed carry license. I was pretty confident that with his missing limb and medical condition that I could run faster than him. So that wasn't the issue. The issue was after the meeting digesting everything that he told me. I can't fathom what puts this in people's minds to do such a thing (and he has no diagnosis of a serious mental illness and I would concur). I don't know what makes a person so mad. What happened in his life to make him like this.

Was he abused as a child? Does he have an unseen neurological disorder? A neurologist from Georgetown University Medical Center, Jonathan Pincus says that mental illness, neuro disorders and child abuse are the three biggest things that makes a killer. He even had a chance to interview and test Ted Bundy. Not that this is the end all be all of what makes a killer by any means, but he has devoted a lot of time to the issue.

Josh would say I should know because I watch cop shows all the time. I think that is why I talked with the patient so long. So now its over and all I can do is pray for him. I don't know if he'll ever change. He did reach out to talk to me about it. It could have been to see what kind of reaction he could get from me or maybe he is starting to get a conscience. I'll never no, but I know he doesn't have much time left and he is lonely so I guess its between him and God.

1 comment:

Josh Emerson said...

Wow that's crazy! That is like something out of a movie. Hopefully your light can shine in his darkness.